Musician / Composer

I have been noticing a troubling thought and attitude going on in the church …

It is the idea or unspoken attitude that Jesus accepts our sin…It shows in not talking about it publicly or rebuking anyone or even the devil for that matter… But trying to keep it quiet or not bringing attention to it. I am sure the thought is: “Don’t rock the boat”.

Jesus accepts you with all your sin and problems too, but He died so you can be forgiven by God and that sin will have no more dominion over you and to free you from being a slave to it. This is in the expectation that the sinner will want to be free from sin. It means He took away sin’s power over you to enslave you. But it only works if you are willing to give it up and really want to walk away from it all. Only then can you truly be free in Him…

I know because I was in a bad place at one time: I was deeply in sin. Sins of Adultery, sexual sins, horrible stuff too disgusting to mention. I allowed sin to consume me so much that I was a slave to it. It caused my marriage and family to be pulled apart and eventually divorced with children not wanting to talk to or see me anymore…It is all too real for me. But it was what I needed and what I asked for…

I didn’t want to destroy my marriage, but sin consumed me and drove me away. I fought to have it…Well I got it and much much more…It took me far away from where God wanted me to be. But Christ like in the prodigal son parable he gave had been watching for me in hope while always praying for me to come back…I went out and whored with the world and spent my heritage of God’s blessings and calling for the world with all its lusts and perversions and did shameful acts I don’t want to mention. I took the Holy Spirit who was living in me to those places and made Him partake in my sin, all the while grieving Him. He cried in me and many times in the shower or in bed while falling asleep I would sob not knowing why or what I was crying about. All I would say is, “Forgive me Father”…

I needed to be saved, I was lost…My life was empty…I got caught up deeper in my perversions by being drawn to Shemales and Transgender females in a sexual way and started envisioning in some twisted way what it would be like to be a woman…So I started following that through and went so far with it to want to get surgery to make it complete. I started stealing hormones from a girlfriend I was sexually attached to while I was going through a divorce…My body started growing breasts and skin softened and hair stopped growing on body. I waxed my body and then did other things. I left my girlfriend and just like my ex wife she didn’t accept my changes. Eventually I got support through the Trans Community and hooked up to the liberal health care system and after seeing a doctor started taking more hormones. I continued to change. During this time my kids didn’t want to see me anymore. I met a man online who was a male to female transgender also and we decided to live together, although he stopped his taking of hormones and stayed in his born gender. We are room mates only now. I went to a LGBTQ church as it was one of the only churches I could attend that would accept me.

I went there and they accepted who I had become. But it was not what God wanted. But it took almost 10 years for me to finally hear God and turn back to Him. During this slow time of turning back I joined the worship team and was writing songs. Hundreds of them. We sang them in church all the time…All these songs in retrospect were my soul crying out to God to fill me, heal me, draw me back, forgive me…Etc… God used this to get my attention and like quoting scripture the songs were speaking to my spirit. Drawing me back. It felt like God was always there, tapping me on the shoulder.

To make this story shortened, I did turn back and listen. Now I am in a place where I made such a mess of my life that I need to correct some things. I stopped all hormones, I stopped all references to female and got my license changed back. I talked to my doctor about it and he was elated of my decision. I testified in the church I attended and opened some eyes…Some have accepted it some do not…

I am now a conservative and returned back to my roots in being a Pentecostal Christian. I changed all my Facebook accounts and deleted many friends who were of the Trans community. I see it for what it is now. It is NOT a mental disorder. It is a spiritual disorder and not God’s will. I have a message for those who are in it…I more than anything know what sin can do if followed through. It only enslaves you and wants to destroy your life. God never intended our lives to be enslaved. That is why He sent His Son.

When I think of someone in sin who wants freedom. I think first of all, do they REALLY want to give up the sin? Or is it that they don’t want the destruction that their sin brings?..Well you can’t play with fire and not be burned. You really must decide once and for all to walk away from it and cut all ties with it too. Mentally, physically, emotionally, etc…You have to show God you are serious. Don’t lie to him, He knows what you are thinking and hiding and how deceived you are. Sin will draw you away from God. It will make you think YOU can do anything without Him. It will tell you, you can make your own choices-You are the king on the throne of your life. While God patiently waits in the back seat. Calling out for you to come home…Hopefully you are listening and come to your senses like the Prodigal son did.. It doesn’t always end so great for some though. Death spiritually and physically often are the result…Then it becomes impossible to come back.

So when I hear of someone in sin wanting freedom. Jesus gave us all power over sin. Through His blood and sacrifice He took away our sins and it’s effect toward us. We are no longer slaves to sin but servants to righteousness. Christ in us, the hope of glory. We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. Ask Him to help you and be serious, don’t play games with sin, you will lose unless you ask Christ for help and mean it. Then He takes away the sin and it’s power of temptation. When it attacks you and you call out in His name and command it to leave, it will leave! You will feel it leave as it lets go of it’s tentacles from you and freedom and joy once again is returned. Turn back to Him…Praise God..

If you would like to ask for help, you can email me at husted_kelly@yahoo.com

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